My First Blog (TM) from Playskool

My sister says she does not want me to embarass myself in front of the internet. I can try, but I'm not promising anything. Ok. Ummmmm....blogging is hard. BUT IM HARDER! BAM! Whoops, I've gone and embarassed myself. Well, I'm Daniel and I am currently helping Matt Kearns with his blogging duties. I cannot give you witty puns or insights into the world and it's inhabitants. However, I can tell you how much I hate everything. Like solitare. One day that arsehole is going to PAY! I mean, come on! On my current computer (a Compaq Presario SR5840AN Desktop PC, the perfect choice for value packed features in a stylish chassis. Beat that, George Foreman!) I have racked up 41 attempts to crack the all-knowing juggernaugt that is solitare. I have been successful on 6 occasions. I am either really shit at solitare, or solitare is really shit at me. Personally, I believe it is the latter. 6 times, I say to my 9 faithful followers, 6 times. I mean, sometimes I enjoy solitare...when I win. My current all-time top winning streak is 1. 1. Bloody 1. GOD DAMMIT I FUCKING HATE SOLITARE! AAAAAAARRRRRRGGHHHHHHHH! I am so blind with rage I have forgotten all about solitare. I'm just pissed off at numbers now. Oh, look at me, I'm a number. I don't even need words, I'll just spell myself with myself. You know what? Fuck you numbers. FUCK YOU! Hmmmm. I'm all angered out now. *YAWN*. Nighty night guys. I'm all tuckered out! See you later.

Since you made my life a wreck...err, complete (go on google the reference.)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, on this fine day of September the 18th 2009 i am proud to announce my triumphant return to blogging. Now lets lay down some ground rules, cause frankly a blog a day makes both myself and yourself very very bored and unsatisfied. So with a revolving cast of extra cast members you will be introduced to a wonderful new blogospheric experience. You can take that to the bank.

In one of my final blogs, Pre-Retirement, in what shall be referred to as my Fat Elvis phase, i promised you a me without argument. now due to my strong personal convictions (this film clip represents in no way a belief in the occult) i failed quite miserably. but you know what makes me better than the common man, i can admit failure. now i am not sure were this is going, so you come up with your own amusing anecdote of a time where you havent admitted failure.

Congratulations on My Return.
Matt Kearns

Tribal?

ach, blog time ritual man big back now. here comes the rain my friends and it will rain well and good and to be perfectly honest, i love it. rain is awesome it makes me feel so happy, but sadly thats bad news for you all as i do not blog well happy.

it is actually a condition that often will afflict the youth called "liquid contentment syndrome" named and researched by heinrich gleiver, a german of course. it has been described to be similar to the colour "greige"- pointless, pretentious, and favoured by the lower upper middle class youth. in a similar way to condensation building up during the sunny times, anxious, angry thoughts build up in the rainy times and after a week or so, they becomeso heavy that one with LCS is weighed down to the point where they stop calling people "sunshine" or "starshine" or even "moonshine" with out a ooozing sarcasm in their voice to rival severus snape as played by alan rickman. (shutup i love it). so the good news is in one week i will be back to form. yay for excuses- thankyou heinrich gleiver.

anyway, i am far too happy to be blogging. and far too irritated with how few blogs i have posted on the blog named after me to not post blogs. so that is yet another reason for my blog today.

Dont Blame it on the Sunshine, Moonlight, or the Good Times.

Blame it on the
Matt (kearns).

I am Strong, I am Invincible, I am Matt Kearns.

Ladies and gentlemen, i am glad to announce i am back with a flaming vengance. i hope that you have all been well and enjoying the blogs of merrick and damon. i absolutley killed myself laughing at the title "New Kids On the Blog" and they are very amusing and i wont be pissed if you stage a revolution and make them the people's bloggers.

So Sunshine. guess what i did recently?
(dora the explorer style pause, nodding in response)
oh Close... I am giving up arguing, its like lent, but not. because well, lent is the forty days leading up to easter, and unless the moon has been doing some freaky stuff (involving rings perhaps?) it is no where near easter. anyway i got a verbal slap over the face for arguing too much, and i realised that i shouldnt, i come across as an arrogant prick. so i am sorry to anyone i have offended in my blunt obnoxious lacking of the ability to say no.

And off that oddly heartfelt note i would like to say i think this new arctic monkeys track is absolutely fantastic, and i have a new desire to be in a band, so anyone offering singing/guitar/bass lessons (no one wants to be a drummer). i will actually consider it, and hey watchin me do something i cant is always one of the more amusing parts of life. anyway apoligies for this mediocre blog, i will return to form soon. linking here for my dear friend Jack (who is related to Vic? I hope so!) who writes a wonderfully amusing insightful blog- http://jackinabox.wordpress.com! read it children.

Sex + Drugs, E,E,E,Ecstacy

Matt Kearns

Shifting

Hi it's Damon for today.

I'm sorry i've been unable to keep my reputation as the perfect blogger, but a tight schedule has kept me from informing you of nothing. Today is my last blog for probably the rest of the holidays, i will be handing the reigns over to Merrick and his former me former merrick replacement for former kearns shall be Liam. I shall return in probably 2 weeks, but i am being transported overseas for work business, to study how to blog towards other cultures.
On my return, kearns shuold return too.

Anyway, last time i promised that i would think of something to blog about, and that people would email subjects.
Well neither happenned.
So yeah. sucks for you, your last day with the Twight for a while and he can't keep you entertained.

But i can keep you guessing?

No.
no i can't.

Damn i hate that. I was just about to play some game about farms on facebook, but it has noise on it, and is ruining my beautiful Pat Metheny Trio sounds. It may of had a mute button onece i started playing,, but i'm not tkaing that risk, why don't they either turn sound off or just have a mute button from the start. Flolling Wankers. (of Wlolers for the pussies) (or Plolies for the wieners) (no lol abbreviation for that one)

So i bid my 5 or so readers farewell for now, and bug merrick to facebook that he's posted a new one so you know, and don't have to go on the site yourself.

TTFN, Ta Ta For Nemy!

Blog # 19!

Damon Todaymon (amazing isn't it)

No FAQ, cause i'm sick of that, and i'm sure you are too.

i'm sick of apostrophes. i don't know when to use them, and i'm to lazy to look it up. If i want to say that the sandal of my father actually belongs to dearest kearns, would i say "my father's/fathers' sandal is actually kearns'/kearns's.
i have more unsurities in that section of grammar, but that will have to wait for another day whrere i can't think to write of something.

Now, i think i have only had one blog so far where i thought of what to write of beforehand. Now seeing as tomorrows blog is a special day, because it's number #20, i will spend all dayt hinking of the perfect thing to write about.
Then for my next blogging day, i will write a chosen topic by one of our very few readers. Emaiol or facebook them to me (not whre every1 can read it caue then it won't be a secret and fun blog) before, lets say saturday night.

OH BOY! I just got a perfect game of 0 in hearts! On a more important matter, what type of zero is that?

o - lower case
O - upper case
0 - Zero

Horrible! i don't know if this comes out in a diffferent font, but to me it's circular, and smaller than the capital! it should be ellipsical and the largest of the three. Absolutely horrible.

Posting, Settings, Layout, Monetize

Hello.

Damon today. Still awaiting the return of the notorious kearns.
Quite sad.
FAQ:
No
Yes.

Now i have just read an 'anonymous' message from merrickis blog post, which said it wished i was hit by a truck so merrick could ocntinue. Now you must remember, merrick is my fill in for when i'm not here, and he's acting as former me as kearns' fill in for when he's not here, but i'm now acting as kearns, so u'r really asking kearns to be hit by a truck, and for me to continue. Now i must say thank you, but kearns in my opinion kearns should NOT be hit by a truck as be is a valuable, original and respected blogger. Anyway, i'm guessing it was Mo, due to the extensive use of the word rofl. NAME AND SHAME!

Does anyone else here (if there are still any followers. Please facebook me telling, so i can address exactly how many followers there are). Well as i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by brackets, does anyone else here (' ') love exercise balls? I mean, there's no limit to the fun witht hem (i know i typed it wrong, but i'm keeping it that way cause i'm hardcore). If you can name 1000 000 things that an exercise ball would not be suitable, i would say
'good work for going to that effort to prove me wrong, but u must have way too much spare time. You massive dick (or Dlol from now on)' But i wouldn't say that bit in brackets aloud, or even think it, that's strictly blog-related.

I just had an idea.
Tomorrow, i will get a random word of the day from a site that generates that type of bullSlol, and make it my topic of the paragraph. Unless i actually think of something before i sit down to write the blog, which is unlikely. And if i do think of it, i won't go telling it to people before hand like Merrick.

Anyway, i can't remember if i dreamed it or did it, but i doubt i dream about blogs, but if i didn't already mention it, (i have had a sneaking suspicion i already did) i hate the queen of hearts. Flol i hate it.

Don't worry about my sneaking suspicion, it was caught on a video camera near k-mart, and arrested several hours

TTFN, Taa Taa For Nemy!